Crabgrass

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I am extremely lenient when it comes to the maintenance and upkeep of my yard.  As a result, certain weeds – primarily crabgrass – have overtaken my lawn.  I asked my friends and neighbors for suggestions on how to deal with the problem and received a wide range of advice.

Betty Potter suggested chemical warfare, explaining that was her solution to the problem.

Toby said I should move.

But it was my neighbor Mr. Biggs who made the most convincing argument, perhaps because he made it while shirtless and wearing a U.S. Cavalry hat.

So I drafted this letter to my local airport…

 

KENNETH SNIPPS PO BOX 9411 FORESTVILLE CT 06011-9411

Robertson Airport

Plainville, CT 06062

 

Dear sir or madam,

My name is Kenneth Snipps and I need your help.

Crabgrass has overtaken my yard and according to my neighbor Mr. Biggs, the only real solution to the problem is napalm.

He suggested I hire a young, hot-shot pilot, who can fly in low over my property and a deliver a small napalm strike on my yard. He said you really don’t need much of the stuff.

Anyway, he told me you have a cantina near the airfield where pilots congregate awaiting adventures and job prospects.

My question is does the cantina have a dress code? Will I be allowed in without a tie?

Please let me know soon, I beseech you.

 

Your friend,

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Kenneth Snipps

Napalm

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