In case you haven’t heard the news, the village of Forestville is about to get pounded by yet another winter storm. I know this because the NOAA weather radio I have has gone off. The alarm always freaks me out.
For those of you who do not know, NOAA is a radio station created by the guy who built the ark. But instead of spinning records, he tells you awful things about the weather, like, for example, it can kill you.
My neighbor Mr. Biggs told me that NOAA is so old, he really can’t talk anymore. So he created a robot that does the talking for him. When you listen to the broadcasts, you can kind of tell.
So anyway, the next storm is on it’s way. Early predictions of snow accumulations range from four inches to Armageddon.
On days like this I am so happy to have a bunker.
Well, originally it started as a single bunker. I installed it myself, digging the hole with a spade shovel. I used my tractor to pull the bunker into the giant hole. I am reluctant to release specific details, I will say that the depth is sufficient to withstand a nuclear strike. It has a generator, vented and sealed to provide unlimited power, until the the gas runs out. It has a chemical toilet, and a stockpile of rations and water. Plus I have an entire entertainment section, with all my favorite boardgames.
With each Super Storm to strike Forestville, my bunker because a little more crowded. So I decided to expand a bit.
At this point it’s more of a “network” of interconnected bunkers. It looks something like the International Space Station, but underground in my backyard.
This was necessary to provide safe refuge for my friends, Toby, Sparky, Silas, Barbara Deavers, Betty Potter, Tanya from Downtown and whoever her current husband is. Plus my associate Norbert Pendleton, my neighbor Mr. Biggs, and a few guests.
Now it’s like a giant sleepover whenever the world is ending.
In case you don’t know it, local news coverage gets very excited every time it snows.
I don’t know how things are where you live, but here in Connecticut, they give winter storms a name. I believe it is just fear mongering. But, it works! I am jittery and nervous about this storm and I am already in the bunker, even though the storm isn’t expected to arrive for another several hours.
Most of my upcoming dispatches will be made from deep below the earth’s surface.
Be safe everyone.
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