The Madness that is Mountain Time

Did you know time in the Mountain Time Zone can vary as much as an hour and fifteen minutes from regular time? It’s true. My neighbor Mr. Biggs told me about it while he was siphoning heating oil from my tank.

I asked what he was doing and he explained the insanity that is Mountain Time.

The science behind it is fascinating.

Mountains are the cause of the problem.


The problem is obvious.

The jagged peaks of the Rocky Mountains, reaching 5000 feet into the air, cause significant disruptions in the flow of time. It is similar to the way they mess up AM radio transmissions too.

The Mountain Time Zone has three different 12:00 o’clocks: 12:00 AM, 12:00 Noon, and 12:00 PM. How ridiculous is that?

I can’t even image what machinations they must employ to keep up with the rest of the world. It boggles the mind. Do they wear multiple watches? Do they keep adjusting their clocks? Do they just not care? Is that why they legalized marijuana?

This man is experiencing time shifts.

This man is experiencing time shifts.

I need answers to this problem.  I will be traveling soon to Denver, Colorado for a symposium on alien probing. I can’t be distracted with this kind of nonsense.


Denver, a city lost in time.


3/14/14 – 11:02 AM FHT*

The U.S. Department of Weights & Measures has just sent me a “cease and desist” letter regarding this article about Mountain Time. They are demanding I take the article down or suffer the “consequences” — what does that mean?


3/14/14 – 3:04 PM FHT*

Toby and I decided to stand up for Freedom of the press, and not take down our article. We will not be ordered about by a government agency just because some or all of what I am saying is not true.

As a result, effective immediately, the U.S. Department of Weights & Measures has officially banned me from visiting the Mountain Time Zone. This is some sort of restraining order, keeping me from the region for “propagating false statements regarding the accuracy of the zone’s time.”

The ban will be in effect until warmer temperatures warrant a change.


*Forestville Happy Time

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KennyThe Madness that is Mountain Time